The Girl He Loves by Carmen Roya

Author:Carmen, Roya
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: RC Publications
Published: 2019-11-20T16:00:00+00:00

21

“I had an older brother,” Joel tells me. “Richard… everyone called him Ricky.”

My eyes are glued to his, my ears on alert.

“He was six years older than me, and I looked up to him so much. He was the second oldest after my sister, Jeannine, after him were Jocelyne and Juliette, and finally little old me.”

I nod sympathetically, urging him to go on.

“He was an amazing athlete… baseball. He was aiming for the big leagues.”

I nod again, not quite knowing what to say.

“But he was also kind of a bad seed. He loved to drink and smoke pot when he could, and he partied a little too much. My dad used to always be on his case about it. He kept telling him he could go far if he just smartened up. I think that only added to the pressure.”

“Your dad wanted him to make it to the big leagues?”

“Yeah. That’s all he could talk about.”

“What happened?” I can’t help but ask — I’m shaking with curiosity.

“He… partied a little too hard… one night,” he starts, and I can tell that every word coming out of his mouth is a struggle. “It was February, off season. He’d just broken up with his girlfriend, Melissa. And he got completely wasted. He ended up passing out in the snow on his way back home. He froze to death.”

Fuck. I’m speechless. I wish I could think of something soothing to say, but I freeze. A lump has lodged in my throat, stealing my words.

He shakes his head, and his eyes are brimming. “It was all my fault.”

“How?” I ask. “How was it your fault? I’m sure it wasn’t.”

It couldn’t have been — Joel is such a sweet person. I can’t imagine how he could possibly be responsible for his brother’s death.

“We were all at one of my basketball tourneys, and if we’d only been home, my dad would have been there to stop him from going off the tracks. Mom would have offered sympathy, and Dad would have talked some sense into him. I know my dad’s always secretly blamed me. His golden boy was gone and it was all my fault.”

“It wasn’t, Joel,” I say. “It wasn’t. You were just a kid.”

“And then my dad threw all his hopes into me, and what do I do? I tear my ACL and ruin my chances at a scholarship.”

“You can’t blame yourself, Joel,” I say, trying to channel Dr. Russell, attempting to make use of everything I’ve learned to help him.

“And you know what?” he says. “I was secretly happy when I injured myself. I was sick of the pressure. I didn’t want to play ball anymore. I just wanted to…”

I smile. “Style hair?”

He grins, and my heart swells. “Exactly.”

“I’m sure your dad wasn’t too impressed with that.”

He laughs. “He was livid.”

Silence fills the air for a few long seconds, and his face falls once again.

“I’ve never been able to shake that feeling,” he goes on. “The feeling that it was my fault, that I’m a complete disappointment to my family.

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